From Hawking $15,000 Gold Vibrators to $8,600 Hiking Necklaces, Gwyneth Paltrow May Never Return To Acting

We’ve all heard of slut shaming. How about pandemic shaming? Yeah, gear up, this hiking expedition will cost you — plenty.

Most people — regular people like us and most of you, kind readers — are spending our time trying to work and survive the pandemic, hoping and praying life will return to normal. A lot of people, tragically, are out of work and doing what they can to find any sort of work to put food on the table and roof over the head.

And then there’s Hollywood. actresses like Gwyneth Paltrow, an early COVID survivor it seems, who has conquered virus recovery through a vexing series of affiliate-link driven products. No, can’t make this up.

To keep trekking, she endorses a $220 pair of hiking shoes, a $145 hiking tank top, and an $8,600 gold necklace. [Yes, you read that correctly.] Apparently, Paltrow has a thing for wearing necklaces, often several at once. “But for a hike, just this [$8,600] one is perfect,” she writes. When she’s not scaling mountains to combat her COVID fatigue, she focuses her foggy mind on making certain her skin looks good for her many Zoom meetings. She touts four products just for this part of her long-COVID regimen. They are a $500 infrared sauna blanket, a $98 oil, a $125 serum, and $125 overnight acid peel. And after all of that expensive exercising, the skin care regimen, and the video conferences, Paltrow unwinds in a $125 “Goop University” T-shirt and a $32 mocktail served in a $112 glass.

It took a year, but Gwyneth Paltrow figured out how to exploit the pandemic | Ars Technica

LOL to an $8,600 gold hiking necklace. Yeah, I think most people would rather spend those bones on a vehicle to get to and from work or food for a year, but hey, whatever. Who buys all these high end Goop products, anyway?

The $15,000 gold vibrator? Does that give some gold-plated orgasms or something? That’s from a different article, but perhaps equally hilarious. Don’t worry, Paltrow is pitching a more affordable $95 vibrator for us blue collar types.

And the Goop vibrator makes quite the pitch for battling boredom. With a massage ball on one side and a wand on the other — and eight pulsating patterns for each — that means 64 possible combinations (or a different daily sensation for two months of quarantine). At $95, it might even be called affordable, at least in comparison to the $15,000 gold dildo that Ms. Paltrow once recommended in a Goop newsletter.

Gwyneth Paltrow Is Selling Vibrators

This latter article seems hyper-focused on the shock factor of an A-list, or previously A-list actress rather, reduced to selling vibrators, but I don’t see that as the bigger story. Who cares if someone famous is selling vibrators in 2021? The bigger story is how expensive these products are she sells on Goop. Ridiculously expensive. It doesn’t cost $95 for an effective vibrator and on what planet does anybody need a hiking necklace that costs more than many used cars.

I’ve enjoyed some of Paltrow’s work as an actress, but am big time turning my nose up at her shilling activities. She clearly has a controversial personal side (see: LOL – Gwyneth Paltrow admits to having a “dirty sense of humor”) which I’ve admitted liking, but this shilling, especially using the pandemic for cover is horrifically poor-timed marketing. There is likely never a good time to hawk an $8,600 gold necklace under the guise of necessary hiking necessities but it sure staves off the possibility of returning for another MCU movie someday.

Pepper is rubbing salt in the potted, festering wounds of mankind with these obscenely expensive products. Caveat emptor.

Fiery $75 Candle That Smells Like Gwyneth Paltrow’s Vagina Bursts Into Flames in UK Home

Wasn’t aware that Iron Man’s right hand lady, Pepper Potts, er, Gwyneth Paltrow who plays the character sells expensive scented candles … of a very personal nature.

But smells like she does.

“This candle started as a joke between perfumer Douglas Little and GP,” reads the website. “The two were working on a fragrance, and she blurted out, “Uhhh..this smells like a vagina’ — but evolved into a funny, gorgeous, sexy, and beautifully unexpected scent. (That turned out to be perfect as a candle.)”

Gwyneth Paltrow’s ‘vagina’ candle explodes in UK woman’s home: report | Fox Business

One of those candles smells like her (?) vagina — lol, no, this isn’t a gag . Despite the strangeness, this candle apparently had some kind of chemical malfunction and exploded inside a UK homeowner’s living room.

Who buys candles smelling like somebody else’s private parts? Ok, for those of you who love that smell, do you burn that in your house when you invite friends over. “Hey, what’s that smell? Oh, that’s Pepper Potts? Nice!” Over the family dinner do you remark about the smell of vagina?

Yeah, ridiculous. And priced way outside of what any candle should ever cost. $75?!? You can subscribe to Disney+ for an entire year or spend a few hours enveloped by feminine aroma? Let’s see …

This is familiar territory for Paltrow, see: LOL – Gwyneth Paltrow admits to having a “dirty sense of humor”

Not knocking anybody who wants to buy these candles, of course. Spend your money wherever and however you want. You worked hard for it. Us? Hard, hard, hard, hard — pun completely intended — pass.

LOL – Gwyneth Paltrow admits to having a “dirty sense of humor”

Iron Man ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️½

I love it when stars be themselves. Keep it real. This makes me like them even more and want to see more of their movies.

Enter Gwyneth Paltrow. First, she has a very cool first name. A little hard to spell, yes, but a great name. She seems genuine to me. Maybe, I’ve got it wrong, but she just seems like the type of actress you want to root for.

Am a fan, definitely, of her talent and how she’s handled her career. She was great as Pepper Potts in the MCU slate of films — the pictured and linked Iron Man which put Jon Favreau on my radar — as Tony Stark’s assistant and friend. When she’s in a film, it definitely increases my interest.

It’s always refreshing seeing movie stars being honest and self-deprecating.

“What people are surprised about me, when they meet me or work with me or hang out with me, is I have a really, really, really dirty sense of humor,” Paltrow once quipped. “People think I’m pretty buttoned-up and prim and proper, but just tell me a joke about balls or something.”

Gwyneth Paltrow reveals the sex tip she picked up from Rob Lowe’s wife

Trading sex tips with Rob Lowe’s wife? lol. You go, Gwyneth!

Will we see Tony Stark and Pepper Potts together on screen again? I read earlier this past week a few stories suggesting that they are trying to get Robert Downey Jr back in some way. If that happens, they better not forget about Gwyenth/Pepper!

Jennifer Aniston seems to get more press love than Paltrow, but I think Paltrow has more diversity than Aniston (agree/disagree?). I like both their work, but in my opinion, Paltrow has gotten out of typecasting more with a certain type of role. I’d like to see Aniston step out a bit more like she did with Horrible Bosses. Be something more than lovable, slightly dim-witted Rachel Green from Friends.

Paltrow’s filmography reveals a fair amount of movies and TV she’s starred in that I haven’t seen. The last five years of movies have been documentaries and MCU mostly except for Mortdecal (2015). The Politician is her most current TV lead role on Netflix. Anybody reading watched? What do you think? Let me know in the comments, spoiler-free, of course. Or feel free to chime in on what you think of Paltrow’s acting chops?