Laugh at XVP Comedy’s CATS: THE BUTTHOLE CUT

Cats ½ – Unwatchable

We could all use a good dose of humor, and this quickie MAD-style take on the unintentionally horrific musical movie Cats should hit the spot.

It also spoofs the whole #ReleaseTheSnyderCut meme.

The rumors about a version of the film filled with buttholes caused a frenzy on the internet, with everyone writing and tweeting about how fans demand the release of this version. There was even a hashtag, #ReleaseTheButtholeCut, floating around during the very, very long month of March.

CATS: THE BUTTHOLE CUT Gives The Fans What They Want – Nerdist
We all need THE BUTTHOLE CUT to make us smile

This reminds me of something we might have seen in one of those zany spoof movies like the one with Charlie Sheen in it. More, more, please! LOL.

Cats can be an entertaining cinematic experience … IF you are stoned

Cats ½ 

Haven’t done drugs in too many years to remember, so I’m poorly educated and researched on the psychological effects of smoking pot and watching movies, but some moviegoers are going all chronic mode and then watching Cats.

And liking it.

Hundreds of people told The Post their stories about seeing “Cats” while high — some on marijuana, others on psilocybin mushrooms, LSD and other mind-altering substances.

People are seeing ‘Cats’ while high out of their minds. These are their stories. – The Washington Post

Now, in Washington State where we reside, recreational marijuana sale and usage is legal, so don’t go lighting up the comments area saying crazy things like I’m in any way in this post advocating or encouraging illegal drug usage. That’s just silly and stupid.

Necessary disclaimers aside, as a form of recreation and entertainment movie/TV enhancement, this made me laugh.

I’m sure some enterprising movie reviewer makes this their shtick: reviewing movies drunk or high. The Critical Drinker (Youtuber) comes to mind. I’m sure there are others.

Speaking of movie reviews…

Reviews by Others

Good, bad or indifferent, this is a movie people just love reviewing. As with all shared reviews, you might want to skip this section if you don’t want SPOILERS. Here are more Cats reviews I’ve read recently:

  1. Bod Awful Reviews: “Why does this movie exist? Why did I watch it?”
  2. Coogs Reviews (1/5): “…a complete disaster on every possible level and you should all go and see it. This is destined to be a cult classic in the same way something like The Apple is.”
  3. Cookie N Screen: “There has been a surge of people heading to Cats in order to mock it, gifting Hooper’s film a somewhat cult status as big as The Room or Plan 9 from Outer Space. This feels unearned.”
  4. Daniel Robinson (1/5): “At first I was enjoying how bad it was, but eventually it stops being funny and just gets irritating.”
  5. Discussing Film / Ben Rolph (4/5): “…a musical extravaganza that is toe-tapping, energetic and utterly endearing.”
  6. Flixchatter (2.5/5): “Even with the added dialogue explaining the weird plot, the lyrics are still pretty bonkers and the anthropomorphized felines writhing around is uncomfortable, and  and while that might work on stage, it just doesn’t in film.”
  7. Izabella Zadra: “Overall not a very good movie (duh). There was too much sexual tension for a movie about cats, the look was absolutely horrible and the cast was just too much “
  8. Jason’s Movie Blog: “…ultimately ends up being a bland endeavor, with its limited narrative story, a weak screenplay that doesn’t add much creative innovation, bizarre / wonky visual effect imagery, and under utilized characters (and the talents behind them). Personally, this movie was okay-ish, but more on the disappointed side.”
  9. Joey Marrazzo: “How this is one of the most successful Broadway shows ever really surprises me.”
  10. Major Film Reviews: “…is not merely ‘bad’ it’s pathetic, insulting, nightmarish and so utterly, utterly putrid.”
  11. moviejoltz: “If you have a choice, I would recommend instead of watching this bizarre experiment you volunteer your time at an animal shelter.”
  12. Movie Metropolis / Adam Brannon: “…is a disaster from start to finish, with its only saving grace being a powerful performance of Memory by American Idol alumni, Jennifer Hudson.”
  13. Poor Man Staff: “…it’s the type of film that is so ridiculous and insane that you find yourself enjoying the madness within. Every moment of pure insanity just caused more glee as I looked at the screen wondering how this movie could ever be made.”
  14. Reads & Reels: “I texted my husband, during the show to tell him that it was sacrilege.  Between the bad casting, horrendous CGI and the downright deplorable screenplay I would suggest that you, dear wonderful reader, do not waste any of your nine lives by going to see it”
  15. Ready, Steady Cut: “I’m sure the makers of Cats had their hearts in the right place, but the result was like a cat’s nails across a chalkboard.”
  16. Set The Tape: “…is an abomination.  The worst Andrew Lloyd Webber musical (and that’s really saying something) receives an adaptation by one of the worst directors to ever win a Best Director Oscar and the result is one of the worst movie musicals ever made by a major Hollywood studio.”
  17. Stephenage: “It’s so profoundly anti-audience, and so shamelessly awful, that – you know what – I almost respect it. I hate it. And I wish it didn’t exist but it sure is something.”
  18. The Film Blog: “…might have at least worked within the weirdness were its cinematic faults not so deep cut. Strip away the glitter and random neon lighting and you will find precious little emotional resonance here.”
  19. victorsmyname: “Sadly, I fear the best meme material we got was from the initial trailer. Some fans and cineasts speculate that film studios are doing this on purpose; creating meme-worthy magnitudes of ugliness to help spread the word of their movies.”

Want to read more reviews? 20+ Cats Reviews – An Entire Movie About … (Spoilers)

Now, back to the tantalizing headline topic ….

Have you ever?

Has anybody reading this tried getting drunk or high and intentionally watched bad movies? Did it make the experience more entertaining or enlightening? What effect did it have on your viewing experience?

20+ Cats Reviews – An Entire Movie About … (Spoilers)

Cats ½ 

If you don’t want to know what Cats is about and/or read a bunch of SPOILER-laden reviews, you best come back to this post later. I was careful to not even give it away in the title.

… you’ve been warned SPOILERS ahead …

But … is it a spoiler to say this film is an allegory for death? Poems are wide open to interpretation and this is based on T.S Elliot’s collection of poems.

This movie deals with a bunch of singing and dancing cats celebrating one of them to be chosen to … die. To be reincarnated into … another cat? Don’t know. Didn’t understand that from the lyrics and I didn’t read the poems or ever see the play. Maybe it is explained there?

Each year at the Jellicle Ball, a “wise, commanding and spiritual” cat known as Old Deuteronomy (played by Judi Dench in the 2019 film) has to choose the one cat that will enter the Heaviside Layer. The Jellicles aptly call this the “Jellicle choice”.

Plot of Cats the movie: what is it about? – Radio Times

So, that’s it. That’s the entire plot of the movie: dance around this old building, eventually dance inside the building, then one cat gets chosen and poof! End credits.

Sure, it’s a musical and if you enjoy the dancing, music and singing you will be more likely to enjoy this film. My problem is that most of the music just sounded the same, save for a couple songs. The singing performances ranged from bad to … OK. I wasn’t blown away.

When you go deeper than what is on the screen and examine the allegorical meaning, it could be about the lives human beings are living. We spend our lives essentially living toward death. Depressing concept, yes, but true. So these cats, which could be symbolic for humans celebrate knowing when one of them is going to die and get to be reincarnated. It’s a joyful time to be chosen because you know what’s coming … or maybe you don’t.

The entire dramatic tension, the conflict and payoff is: which of all these cats will be chosen? In other words, none of us know when we are going to die and be reincarnated, but what if we did? Wouldn’t that be a joyful time to know we would soon get to start our lives over again?

I like the movie more when I think of it thematically and symbolically than judging it solely off the film. The execution of the theme is poor, at best, unless you just love the music and singing, then it’s awesome, so I can see why most people aren’t liking this film. Most moviegoers aren’t looking to study poetry symbolism when watching a movie.

Deep stuff for a bunch of singing, dancing pseudo-human cats, but maybe it makes the viewing experience more meaningful.

Reviews by Others

We know it wasn’t my kind of tail (hehe). What do other moviegoers think of Cats?

Recommended

  1. AndersonVision: “Cats isn’t as bad as others are relating to you from what they were told. But, it’s also kinda trash.”
  2. Clement’s Declares: “Would I recommend Cats?  I will…to a niche audience, as well as people who enjoy weird and wacky cinema regardless of the rag sheets.”
  3. Getting Better All The Time: “I dunno why the critics hate it. Seemed like a normal musical to me”
  4. Melissay: “Overall I loved this film. I think I probably liked it so much as I had prior knowledge of Cats and I knew what the plot was and that it could be quite odd at times so when watching the movie I could just appreciate it for what is was rather than criticising the plot. I left pleasantly surprised about how much I enjoyed the film.”
  5. The Profound Bartender: “Good stuff. Critics, be damned.”

Not Recommended (or on the fence)

  1. A Black Family Nerd: “What the hell did I just watch? This is the general sense I left the movie theater with. I know it is supposed to be this much beloved and critically acclaimed play, but I just couldn’t get into it.”
  2. Cent Of Thoughts: “Possibly considered one of the worst films to ever hit the silver screen, Cats is undeniably the first boring, sexually depraved, furry porno to hit theaters. Also, I refuse to say spoilers because Cats makes zero sense. “
  3. CineFiles Movies Reviews: “Cats is, to put it kindly, hard to watch. The humanoid manifestations of these cat characters, rendered in CGI but maintaining the general visages of the performers’ faces, has been memed to death since the trailer for the film dropped”
  4. Cinema Spotlight: “…one of those bad movies that is almost so bad it’s good because it’s so bizarre. Whether you want to give it a chance is up to you, but for me this is one of my favorite bad movies of the decade.”
  5. Emma Loggins / Fanbolt (Grade: D-): “Overall, this wasn’t my cup of tea. The music is lovely, the visuals are terrifying and unforgettable.”
  6. Filmera: “While pretty horrendous overall, Cats does have its moments. The dancers are undoubtedly talented and move with the fluidity of actual cats and, at times, it can be funny, but for all the wrong reasons. Ultimately, none of this was enough to salvage the dumpster fire that was this confusing and never-ending fever dream.”
  7. Funk’s House of Geekery (3/10): “There’s some talented performers here. The biggest anchor holding the film back is the design of the cats themselves. Just when I thought I was settling into the film – maybe we’d had a few close-ups in a row that let us think they were just costumes – and we’d be struck by how weird the characters looked”
  8. Hunter C. Eden: “I’m still trying to piece together what I just saw and what it all meant. Something like Cats has probably always existed in the fevered visions of hashish-eating mystics and ayahuasca-spun shamans”
  9. greatmartin: “Though I am glad I went to see this version of “Cats” I won’t recommend it as it is one of the many of less successful Broadway to Hollywood musicals.”
  10. New York Theater: “…isn’t for everyone – much of it is a cheesy, B-grade affair seemingly crafted solely to take over midnight-movie slots from “The Rocky Horror Picture Show,’”
  11. Rory Glynn (2/10): “…is about as bizarre, creepy and strange as you’d expect. A talented cast is ill-served by ugly CGI and a plot that simply isn’t suited for the screen.”
  12. TGWAC: “I hated Cats. I genuinely hated Cats. I had multiple moments where I was ready to leave the theater in disbelief that this movie was a estimated $95 million dollar film (not including marketing) and was this bad.”
  13. The Movie Grader: “Cats should be avoided at all costs.”
  14. Thomas Mariani: …is obviously horrendous, yet one can’t deny it’s unique place in modern cinematic landscape.”
  15. The Sun: “Watch with copious amounts of meow-meow. Ludicrous, pointless and simply not good enough. Bad.”
  16. TIME: “…is terrible, but it’s also kind of great. And, to cat-burgle a phrase from Eliot himself, there’s nothing at all to be done about that.”
  17. Will You Magazine: “You know when that original design of Sonic from the upcoming Sonic the Hedgehog movie was revealed, and everyone hated it? This whole movie is like that. Horrific, and a complete mistake for everyone involved.”

A nice mixture of reviews, including some that liked it. What are your thoughts on Cats?

NOW PLAYING REVIEWS: Star Wars The Rise of Skywalker, Cats, Bombshell

Week #51 at the box office 12/20/2019 and we’ve got singing felines, sexual harassment and a galaxy at peril, so who comes out on top?

#1 …

Bombshell ⭐️⭐️⭐️

I looked more forward to watching this movie about Roger Ailes sexual harassment while head of Fox News than the new Star Wars. It didn’t resonate quite as hoped for, but was still vastly better than either of the other two wide releases because at least it was a coherent story.

Charlize Theron as Megyn Kelly? She looked incredible with the prosthetic makeup, but her voice imitation was off. Most of the time she spoke it didn’t seem like Megyn Kelly to me who has a very familiar voice with emphasis and pause.

The movie itself kind of wandered as it tried to make a meaningful story of three women who faced harassment by Ailes: Megyn Kelly (Theron), Gretchen Carlson (Nicole Kidman) who starts the complaint rolling when she’s fired and a fictional composite character named Kayla played by Margot Robbie.

Probably the standout character was the great John Lithgow, who was fattened up to look more like the late Roger Ailes and delivered his creepiness with disturbing subtlety.

It’s the only movie of the three screening wide that is recommended an d it is a soft recommendation.

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker ⭐️⭐️½ 

Rise and whine, it’s Star Wars time!

I don’t even know where to start with my level of disappointment in this movie. A story that attempts to do so much and yet doesn’t slow down and breathe enough to do any of it dramatically. It’s the last freaking movie in nine parts spanning 40+ years and this is what moviegoers get? It’s not an absolute travesty like The Last Jedi⭐️½ , but it misses mark set by The Force Awakens ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Sigh.

Cats ½ 

This was easily the worst movie of 2019 that I’ve seen. Barely any story, song after song after song with hardly any dialogue with mostly the same boring — in front of the building — set, terribly fake CGI, dancing on obvious wires and bizarre singing cat people with music that isn’t very good.

Should have known from the trailer that this was headed toward bad, but didn’t realize how far off the cliff of telling any kind of meaningful this would plummet.

I’m not surprised others are reviewing this poorly. Here’s an idea, don’t make movies out of poems. I can see how it might make an OK play though, because of the lack of need for much in the way of set changes, bizarre costumes and endless stream of music. This is one where if you like the music — and I do like different genres of music besides good rock and roll (this movie has zero rock and roll) — you might find something a little different here than me.

Then again you also have to enjoy a movie devoid of any logical story, characterization or plot. I’ve never seen a musical that played out like this, like 97% music, dancing and song and 3% dialogue and story. Maybe the story is played through the music, but if the viewer can’t get into the music enough to try and focus on the lyrics, then it’s game over.

Want to see what else we recommend NOW PLAYING at the theater?

Here are other movies we’ve seen at the theater recently (maybe they are available in your area still) that are recommended. Any movie rated at least 3-stars is recommended. You should read any 3-star review (click the title), because sometimes we do qualify those recommendations, meaning we were entertained, but it doesn’t mean that it was necessarily that good.

4-star movies are highly recommended and films we rate as 4 1/2 or 5 stars are must see. NOTE: of all 2019 movies seen in theaters (over 55 movies since August 12, 2019), there have been no 4.5 or 5 star movies rated. Zero. Just hasn’t been anything either of us felt was that amazing. Am hoping there will be at least one before the end of the year .. but time is running out.

  1. Ford v Ferrari ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ ScreenX
  2. Knives Out ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
  3. Joker ⭐️⭐️⭐️½
  4. Richard Jewell ⭐️⭐️⭐️½
  5. Dark Waters ⭐️⭐️⭐️½
  6. Last Christmas ⭐️⭐️⭐️½
  7. Frozen II ⭐️⭐️⭐️
  8. Hold On ⭐️⭐️⭐️
  9. Bombshell ⭐️⭐️⭐️
  10. Black Christmas (2019) ⭐️⭐️⭐️

If new movie Bombshell doesn’t seem like the type of movie you’re interested in, maybe something else above is still playing that you haven’t seen and want to try. Especially anything toward the top of the list. Ford v Ferrari has 98% fresh score at Rotten Tomatoes from audiences. That’s higher than any other “new” movie screening right now that has a decent number of audience reviews.

The Aeronauts ⭐️⭐️⭐️½ started streaming on Amazon Prime. That’s recommended too.

FIRST LOOK: Cats – What is Cats about?

Cats will be dancing, singing and clawing into theaters at the end of December. Are you ready? Will you be going to see this in the theater, waiting for it on streaming, or have no interest/curiosity in seeing at all?

What we know so far from the first trailer releases and previews about the plot is, well, mysterious at best. The musical play it is based off is not known for an amazing amount of plot structure, it is known for great singing and dancing.

Check this BBC article:

People had been hoping for a toe-tapping adaptation of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s hit Broadway musical, itself adapted from TS Eliot’s Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats. Instead they found themselves gawping at a dark fantasy set in a dystopian netherworld populated by mutant cat-human hybrids.

BBC – Culture – The Cats movie trailer is much weirder than many expected
Is Cats a mesmerizing musical or taken from the … Twilight Zone?

When I think of T.S Eliot, my immediate thought is a classic master poet from the early 1900s. Poems by their very nature are a short, rhythmic art form, often filled with massive allegory and interpretation. Movies can be symbolic, too, but I’d argue that the average moviegoer public will not accept heavy symbolism films if the movies aren’t first and foremost entertaining.

Not trying to insult the average moviegoer, but arguing that most people don’t go to movies for agendas, lectures and deep intellectual reflection. Film reviewers and critics may often engage in this type of illuminating study, but Joe Every Man and Jane Every Woman are not as openly receptive.

Movies as Allegory

Let me add emphasis. Yes, art is subjective, but I don’t personally enjoy watching movies the same way i enjoy digesting poetry. Movies I don’t look primarily as an allegory, to receive political, social activism, and symbolism. Tell me a great story first. Recently, I had an interesting comment discussion on Queen & Slim because the commenter felt I didn’t interpret the film as an allegory.

Let’s see if Cats official trailer #2 tells us anything more about the story:

Cats official trailer #2

If Cats is a horror or mystery, this type of bizarre promotion would be good, but for a more festive, musical picture being released during the holidays (between Christmas and New Year’s), it is having more of a Willy Wonka weird effect on people.

Here is what Rotten Tomatoes shows for movie info:

Universal Pictures and Working Title’s Cats is a most-unexpected film adaptation of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s beloved smash musical “Cats” and the poems from “Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats,” by T.S. Eliot. Oscar (R)-winning director Tom Hooper (The King’s Speech, Les Misérables, The Danish Girl) brings astonishing new technology to transform his cast members. Acclaimed casting director Lucy Bevan is casting the film adaptation. The epic will be produced by Hooper and Working Title’s Tim Bevan and Eric Fellner, as well as fellow Les Misérables producer Debra Hayward-who brought the idea to Working Title. CATS will be produced by Working Title Films in association with Monumental Pictures and The Really Useful Group and executive produced by three-time Oscar (R) winner Steven Spielberg, Lloyd Webber and Angela Morrison. Hooper and Lee Hall (Billy Elliott, War Horse) have adapted the story for the screen. One of the longest-running shows in West End and Broadway history, “Cats” received its world premiere at the New London Theatre in 1981-where it played for 21 record-breaking years and almost 9,000 performances. The groundbreaking production based on T.S. Eliot’s “Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats” was the winner of the Olivier and Evening Standard Awards for Best Musical. In 1983 the Broadway production became the recipient of s

Rotten Tomatoes Cats movie info as of 12/2/2019 — Cut off exactly as above

That movie info is filled a ton of words that tell us absolutely nothing about the story. Great, Cats was popular on the stage circuit and the poem was legendary, but …. what is this musical about?

Thank goodness we have Google to answer the riddle:

Google search for “what is cats about”

This description is a start. At least we learn this is about Jellicles and the night they ascend and are reincarnated(?) Maybe?

Sigh.

This mystery will make some moviegoers want to go see it more, but my guess is more will be waiting for the first wave of reviews to come back. If the song and dance are amazing, perhaps the seemingly wafer-thin plot will be less an issue. Those who don’t want to spend hard earned money watching that type of entertainment will pass.

It’s difficult, maybe even impossible, to make a poem into a full length movie. Just might not be enough meat to cover the skeleton. We’ll soon find out.

Cats opens wide in theaters on December 20, 2019.