My non-review review of 6 Underground – unwatchable

Congratulations to Michael Bay and Netflix for giving me the first new movie in 2019 that I must shamefully admit is unwatchable.

Stop before shooting: this is not a review of the movie itself. Can’t review it.

It might be an OK movie, maybe even in some people’s minds a good movie, but I can’t get there for one simple fact:

It’s physically unwatchable. Or put a different way …

Michael Bay’s directing style is the perfect nightmare for non-epileptics, too.

Jarring, fast-movie images, sometimes blurry, off center, shaky dizzying camerawork, images twisting. It even starts with a warning about the “strobing effects”

Is Bay trying to get even with those who negatively reviewed some (or all) of the Transformers movies?

My god this is a terrible film to watch. So bad I truly can’t watch it. This isn’t a review, and won’t be a review, because I. Can’t. Watch. This!

Seriously, Netflix, Ryan Reynolds, you join the $100+ million club with this? This?

Argh. I’ve tried three times since it launched yesterday to watch this because I liked aspects of the trailer and am willing to consider watching just about anything. Especially films that someone financed for $100+ million dollars. For that kind of investment it must be something other than throwing cash at a forest fire to douse the flames.

And yet, Netflix, it seems like your QA (Quality Assurance) department is out to lunch. Permanently. Irrevocably. If it’s coming from anybody like Michael Bay who has a solid financial track record, it’s hands off on any sort of final cut approval. Or so it seems.

Can’t remember the last time I spent three times trying to watch any movie. If this had played in a theater I would have walked out within the first 30 minutes. Give me another rewatch of 2019’s worst movies: Playmobil: The Movie ½  and Lucy in the Sky ½ . As terrible as those two movies were/are, I could at least watch them.

Not so here. I’ve got movie watcher PSTD. Traumatized.

Not sure how soon before I’ll be able to watch another Michael Bay directed movie again. If you like his work, good for you, and don’t mean to poop on your parade. For me?

Worst best director ever.